meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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