I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
