your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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