just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
