Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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