you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
