Who did Billy Mays play for?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
