just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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