I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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