So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
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Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
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He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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