Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
