In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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