I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
