i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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