I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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