she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
