Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
