I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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