You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
