I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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