No stitches, just platelets and will power
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
