I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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