I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
