put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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