i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
