i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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