non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
