I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
