Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
