if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
