I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
