She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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