How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
