The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
