the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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