I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
