my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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