My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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