I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
