I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
