just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
