we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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