she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
