So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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