we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
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Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
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L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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