theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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