Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
