I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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