and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
should my penis look like a turkey
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
