I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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