this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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