apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
