I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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