You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
