id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
