I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
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Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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