A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
