This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
