I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
