I can tuck mytits in my pants
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
