Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
