i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
