Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
