I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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